The Full Story

Like Frodo Baggins, Harry Potter and Luke Skywalker;
This story starts with a kid
and a call to adventure.
Only in this tale, there's no mythical land,
no dark lords
or death stars…
BUT there is a fairytale ending.

The kid in this tale is like most other millennial teenagers; insecure, needy, always self-comparing & secretly fighting a daily battle of self-loathing and feelings of inadequacy.

His name is Aaron, and he does a great job at hiding his internal struggles; keeping them contained and hidden with a façade of being out-going; often taking pride in being one of the more 'loose' & 'rowdy' boys in the group.

Going through school he tows the line, telling his parents what he thinks they want to hear, saying he'd "like to go to university one day" and "maybe do psychology…"

Somewhere along the way, he figured that it's just easier to go along with the program, than admit he didn't know what he was doing.

He plays guitar and footy, being pretty good at both but not outstanding (like he believes he should be).

Then as high-school was finishing up, his girlfriend at the time broke up with him, seemingly out of no-where, and he was crushed.

An underlying fear of being inadequate suddenly became an all-consuming monster and a painful misery set up residence inside his heart. Which was only compounded by troubles in his home life.

Aarons internal world was a chaotic storm of anxiety, depression & resentment.

And now he had to go and do years 11 & 12.

But he'd just about had enough.

Enough of trying so hard to fit in and be liked.
Enough of pretending to have it all together and study topics he didn't care about.
Enough of always having to exude a type of masculinity that didn't feel natural.
Enough of the schooling system that kept deeming his ability as just above 'average'.
Enough of the anxiety that plagued his mind during the day and kept him awake for most of the night.

He didn't try and make any new friends at this new school. It all felt pointless, relationships always seemed to end anyway, and the happy-go-lucky Christian kids just pissed him off.

For these few years, he found solace, like a lot of teenagers, in his small group of mates from high school as well as alcohol and music.

And despite all the feelings of inadequacy, and despite all the self-doubts and anxious thoughts, despite that one night where it got so bad, he self-harmed. He couldn't shake the unrelenting feeling deep beneath it all.

A feeling like he could be GREAT at SOMETHING, - a higher part of him knew that life didn't have to be like this.

At the age of 18 he saw 'the system' for what it was and knew the conventional paths of post-school education & qualification would only solidify the label of being 'average' and maintain the status quo.

But Aaron hated the status quo. In his eyes, the majority of people were working slave jobs and spending most of their days living boring lives.

He didn't want a boring life, He wanted to live an extraordinary life; full of adventure, fun and fulfillment.

This was when his internal agony became a GIFT.

The pain of his teen years was enough of a motivator to say 'fuck you' to any sort of conformity.

Leaving school, he was finally free. Free to finally live HIS life on HIS terms. He wasn't going to let the massive and important opportunity that his youth presented to him, slip away.

At 18 years old, he had the freedom of an adult, but without a lot of the responsibility. So he told his parents he was going to have a gap year before deciding on any sort of career or study and started to save his cash to do so.

During this time, Aaron was at a mate's going away party - in a toilet cubicle, exceedingly drunk off cast wine, having a little moment to himself; When all of a sudden, like a bolt of lightning, a surge of energy pulsed through every cell of his being, it was as if a wave of electricity lit up every atom in his body.

(and no, it wasn't the fruity lexia)

Aaron didn't know it at the time; but that huge surge of spine tingling energy was the feeling of recognizing and remembering TRUTH! He had received his first big download of intuitive guidance directly from spirit. He'd heard his own call to adventure; his hero's journey, the journey of a lifetime, had begun.

You see the party was for a mate named Liam, (more commonly known as Ricey) And Ricey was about to move over to the U.K to play county cricket. He was the only mate Aaron knew at that time, who'd be travelling over seas.

That moment in the toilet cubicle would serve to be a major turning point in Aaron's life. Because what followed was a chain of events that would span a near 6 year journey.

A journey that'd grow his sense of self worth and activate his gifts.
A journey that'd challenge and break his ego beyond measure.
A journey that'd AWAKEN his true nature and align him with the divine, synchronistic flow of the universe.

But standing there in the cubicle, he certainly didn't know all that, All he knew was that he was going to fly over seas and meet up with Ricey in the U.K.

And so he leapt out of the toilet cubicle with the grace of a gazelle and drunkenly announced to Ricey that he was going to come over and join him.

It seemed as if Ricey only half believed him and if you'd been there to see it, you'd be forgiven for thinking Aaron was just blurting out some un-filtered, drunken slur, but what no one could see, was the fire that was fuelling Aaron's ambition.

Aaron had grown up with a series of broken promises from different friends and family members. As a result he'd built a belief that your words mean nothing if they aren't backed with action, and there was no way in hell he was going to be the type of person that would be "all talk". He had a point to prove & a life to create.

Sure enough, approximately 4 months later, Aaron found himself landing solo in London England.

He'd hardly slept at all on the 35-hour journey from Hobart, and was walking to the gate at customs in a haze of sluggish and nervous energy. The boarder officer didn't seemed too impressed or convinced Aaron was here for anything lawful and proceeded to grill him with a hot-fired round of 21 questions.

We'll never know if it was the quiet whimper or the plane tickets to Ibiza that let Aaron off the hook and through the gates, but he made it. 'Welcome to England' he sarcastically thought to himself.

It would take only another hour or so before he would find himself sick to the stomach and on the verge of tears again. Amidst the haze and confusion of Heathrow airport, Aaron had inadvertently spent a small fortune on an express train ticket to the wrong destination.

And to make matters worse, within seconds of stepping off the train and onto the station platform, he'd realised that he'd left his wallet on that same train. His body was instantly over come with a tsunami of cortisol; his mind only able to string together sentences of expletive words at this point.

In a panic he begged the train station operator's to help him and luckily they were able to get his wallet back on the next train. 'PHEW! How lucky was that?' thought Aaron, (it was as if an angel was watching over him)…

The mix of cortisol and adrenaline kept him moving through the jet lag and on the London Underground where he emerged from the Underground at Piccadilly station.

Despite it being 1am on a Tuesday night, this place was partying like it was 1999. Bright lights, big sounds, bumper-to-bumper traffic and drunk people EVERYWHERE.

The 18-year-old Hobart boy felt completely overwhelmed with all the stimulation and the sleep fatigue only fuelled his disorientation. One drunken reveler must have sensed Aaron's vulnerability and like a school-yard bully, tried to spook him by yelling loudly in the young Tasmanian boy's face…

'What the fuck is this place?' Aaron thought…

Aaron had started to see why they called Piccadilly, a circus. He couldn't make out left, from right, East from West. Google maps still wasn't an option, it was the year 2010 & smart phones had only just come on the scene, which Aaron didn't have as he'd chosen to purchase experiences over material possessions.

In his state of panic and anxiety he chose to jump into a bicycle rickshaw, a three-wheeled passenger cart; the type you see more commonly kicking around Asia. The rider confidently said he knew where Aaron's accommodation was, and asked a price that could've got him half way across London.

It quickly became obvious to Aaron that this guy didn't have a clue, the travel agent said it would only be a 5 minute walk from the station, why was it taking 10 minutes on a bike?

All of a sudden the rickshaw stopped and the young middle-eastern looking man insisted that he'd brought Aaron to his destination. "It's just down the end of that alley" he said. "Are you for real?" Aaron replied.

The alley was long, dark and narrow, with massively tall building scaling either side and a small light at the end. "Yeah mate, that light is the back entrance" responded the rickshaw driver confidently.

Aaron intuitively knew this guy was lying. Unfortunately he was still building trust in his intuition and decided to walk down the alley, just in case, this guy was telling the truth.

Sure enough the end of the alley was a dead end. His first few hours in London felt like a total disaster by this stage.

He turned and started his walk back up the alley. The big travel pack he was carrying was starting to take its toll on his body, he sighed and stopped to make a few adjustments. As he was doing so he heard the sound of footsteps approaching him. He looked up and once again, the blood rushed from his head as knots filled his stomach.

In front of him were two police officers with quite a serious demeanor who clearly had an interest in Aaron. "What're you doing here?" asked one of them with an intimidating tone.

Like a child, pleading their innocence and afraid to get in trouble, Aaron had what would be best described as a mini break down. "Please officer I've just arrived in London, I was told my backpackers was down here but now I'm lost, I've spent so much money and don't know where to go" his voiced quivered as he spoke, clearly in distress.

The officer's demeanor immediately shifted, it seemed they were almost amused at the response from the young Australian man. "Alright, alright mate, calm down, you're not in trouble, it's just this alley way is one of the major drug dealing spots in the whole of London and when we saw you with your pack, we thought we better investigate"

Aaron blew out a sigh of relief as the officers changed from big scary monsters into god-sent angels. One of them got out a small black book filled with different maps out and said with a chuckle; "You've just got to go 'round the block mate"

Aaron took a few deep breaths, thanked the officers profusely and made his was to the backpackers. He entered the 12-bed dorm and not wanting to wake or annoy anyone, he navigated the dark room, found his bed and snuggled in with his backpack like a child with a teddy.

He didn't know whether he wanted to laugh or cry. He'd never felt so vulnerable, but he'd made it.

The next day he awoke, with a renewed sense of determination and called Ricey to see if he could be picked up from the hostel. No luck; Aaron was going to have to navigate the train system again. He did so successfully and met Ricey later that day.

The boys would go on to have an amazing 6 weeks together, partying in nightclubs, going to music gigs and running amuck in Amsterdam and Ibiza like any typical 18 year old would. The chaos, anxiety, confusion and self-doubt had been worth it!

During this time Aaron became particularly close to a few of the guys Ricey played cricket with. One in particular was Graeme, who was a bit older than Aaron and would be a significant role model in the following phase of his journey and life.

When it came time for Aaron to head back to his island state, he was strongly encouraged to come spend a summer in England with them all. In typical Aussie fashion Aaron thought 'fuck it, why not?' After all, he'd grown massively in confidence after facing the intense greeting London had given him and he sure as hell still didn't have a clue what he wanted to do for any sort of 'career'…

This was the first time when Aarons 'gap year' became 'gap years'

So he flew back to Aus, got his visa, and saved as much money as he could and flew back to the U.K

Now we don't have time to go into all the details, but what happened for Aaron was he spent a year living the party boy lifestyle to the max, going to numerous festivals, music concerts, raves, party's as well as general day to day debauchery most young men engage in. He loved it, and had grown a lot in 12 months.

But he'd started to wear out his welcome with the people he was staying with and knew it was time to move on.

He had an offer to go stay with someone in London but back in Australia some of his favourite bands where headlining some of his favourite festivals (and there was a girl he was hopelessly in love with that he secretly wanted to see) So he made the journey from one side of the world to the other… Again!

And although upon arrival he received a warm welcome from his friends, as time went on it was clear that things where different. He knew he had changed from his travels, and he expected his friends to be happy for him.

But it seemed as if those mates that he'd grown so close to in those younger, tougher teenage years, no longer wanted to associate with him; Often leaving Aaron out of their social meet-ups.

It hurt Aaron deeply, and it felt as if a scab that was over the wound of his teenage years had been ripped completely off with all the pain coming back to the surface.

He learnt the hard way that you can't always count on people to be happy for you for chasing your dreams, when they don't chase theirs. And again, the pain of that wound would serve as a massive gift, becoming the impetus for Aaron to take courageous action towards a life that was rich in meaning and experience.

Aaron had another 12 months remaining on his UK working visa and so he decided to reach out to the person that made the offer for a place to live in London. She said it was fine and could accommodate him while he sorted himself out with a job and his own place to live.

So he saved up his dollars as quickly as he could and booked another 1 way ticket to the London Heathrow. Little did he know this trip would have another initiation through his fears, doubts and anxieties.

2 days before he was due to leave, the girl who'd offered him a place to stay had suddenly, and rather abruptly, reneged on her offer. It threw Aaron into a 48-hour tailspin; the doubts, frustration and anxiety were making it extremely hard to think clearly.

Should he still go?
Where would he go if he did?
What area of London should he go to first?
What if he didn't find anything and ran out of money?

Thankfully it was his mum that would inadvertently help clarify his decision. It was the morning he was due to leave, standing there in his room, bag packed, feeling sick to his stomach with nerves.

Aaron's mum comes and stands directly in front of him. She grabs him by both arms, looks directly in to his eyes and says "You know you don't have to go?"

This moment would be as a definitive as the one in the toilet cubicle. Just like the toilet cubicle, he felt a massive surge of energy run through his body, only this time, instead of a 'hell yes' this was a 'hell no' - in response to his mothers attempt at reassurance.

He'd grown so much and had come to far to back out now.

And so, with only a few hours before his flight was due to leave, Aaron frenetically did some google searching and found a 'find a house mate' website where he could post a profile, which he did promptly. He didn't have time to think about details, he just needed to take action in some sort of direction to placate his doubts and anxiety.

After saying a teary goodbye to his mother, he found himself sitting on a runway in Hobart airport, about to head to the other side of the world, with no real direction or place to stay. In an effort to calm the storm within his mind he started journaling, which he noticed immediately brought more serenity to his internal world.

"The worst that can happen is that I have to call my family and borrow some money for a flight home," he finally concluded. And he was okay with that, at least he wouldn't die wondering 'what-if?'

Upon landing in Heathrow airport, to his delight and surprise he had 5 reply's to his profile on the roommate website. Four of them where written in terrible English, and Aaron just didn't get a good 'vibe' from them. But there was one that did stand out. His name was Adam, and from just 2 casual emails, Aaron sensed that he was a relaxed & chilled guy.

It was a rainy Sunday when Aaron landed in Canary Warf, East London. He eventually made his way to the address Adam had given him, no thanks to the cab driver that refused to take him because it wasn't far enough. But by now Aaron had built resilience and he knew that he'd find a way. Which he did.

He knocked on the door, and from behind it appeared a tall, bright-eyed, dark skinned man with a warm smile. He greeted Aaron with a relaxed and friendly vibe, a vibe that was enhanced by the slight Jamaican accent. Adam was just the type of grounded and laid-back presence Aaron needed at this time.

He showed Aaron the tiny room at the top of the 4 bedroom house. In typical Australian fashion Aaron said "she'll do mate" Adam seemed amazed at Aarons lack of consideration when deciding on the place. Aaron couldn't of cared less, he just wanted a roof over, and a pillow under, his head.

It would only be about a week before Aaron was off again, this time to travel and party around Spain with a mate from Tasmania. He did so in his typical 'party-boy' fashion, adventuring into a hedonistic, drug & alcohol fueled 'bender' blowing a large proportion of his savings & brain cells.

He returned to London on the eve on his 21st birthday with a sense of optimism and rallied sense of determination. He found a job quickly and started settling into London life.

Aaron was doing his best to live up to, what he believed at that point, was making the most out of his time there. (Which was basically continuing his party boy lifestyle and getting as high on drugs as he could.)

Only this time round, things were different. Up until now, Aaron had an uncanny ability at having things simply work out or getting away with doing what he wanted. But he had several instances of things NOT going his way. Losing his drugs, getting kicked out of places, getting lost on his own on the other side of London…

Aaron sensed something was amiss and it was enough for him to start to question a lot of his habits and behaviors. The universe wasn't quite on his side like it used to be.

During this time, he'd become really close to Adam and they'd formed an unlikely friendship. Adam was much more grounded and pragmatic than Aaron, but Aaron was opening Adam up to some of life's more 'hedonistic pleasures'.

The duo had decided on seeing in the new year of 2013 at their place with a party. And although they planned for the best, it turned out to be a flop. Hardly anyone turned up and to avoid any feelings of being inadequate, Aaron proceeded to ingest a serious amount of very strong cocaine.

This would prove to be a pivotal point in the story of me, Aaron Baldock-Christos.

At 5am the next morning I awoke to a splitting headache,
not having a clue as to what had happened the night before – I looked around..

I was in my bedroom – THANK GOD!

I felt like I'd been in 10 rounds with Mike Tyson..
With a headache beating my scull like a drum and a stomach that felt like it could explode its contents at any second..

I was feeling rough.

I smelt like Tequila and pizza –
but there was something far worse lingering in the air..
An acidic smell that reminded me of the toilets on day 3 of a music festival.
I looked down next to my bed to find a wretched pile of spew lying there beside me.
Instantly I felt terrified..

I had absolutely NO recollection of doing it and could only assume that I'd done it in my sleep..

I remember thinking

"What if I'd choked on that?
What if my family received a phone call telling them their son was in a London hospital or worse, dead."

Words cannot express the horror that took over me in that moment.

The thought of causing my family so much pain shook me to the core..
My mum had already had enough tragedy in her own life,
She didn't need any more..

What had brought me to London was a burning desire to live a life of freedom, adventure and fulfillment. I wanted to party, travel and make the most of my youth.

But in that moment, I knew I'd gone to far. Life had been giving me hints that things needed to change and I wasn't making the most of my youth anymore, I was chasing something that was becoming more and more out of reach with the parties and drugs.

The fact is, part of me did die that night. And that's why I've narrated my story in 3rd person up until this point. Because today, I struggle to identify with who I was before this life shaking incident occurred.

The insecure - yet arrogant, needy - yet emotionally unavailable, young BOY died that night. That death, signified a rebirth and the first signs of the man I am today started to emerge.

Following that morning, I started to invest my time into doing things differently. I gave up a lot of the party boy life style. Yes, I still went and partied from time to time, but it wasn't my main focus.

Instead I did a lot of introspection and reflection. I journaled and asked myself big questions like; What do I really want from life? Who do I want to become? If I had 6 months to live what would I do?

I started eating cleaner. I used my downtime to learn about positive thinking and study success principles. It was during this time Adam became like a brother to me and the idea that it was a 'coincidence' that we met was absurd.

This made me really start to notice some patterns in my life. The major one being;

when I follow my inner guidance, and move through my fears, I'm rewarded for it

with either meaningful relationships or amazing experiences.

I recognized that my

FEAR was actually a guidance system and a doorway for my next area of growth.

I read the book Feel the Fear and do it anyway 3 times in a row and sought to embody and live this principle deeply in my life.

And boy, were those last 6 months in London transformational.